This is an access limited community for people with codepency issues. Membership is based on knowledge to one of the members, no exceptions, as this is a place where we want to be able to to talk about rather difficult issues.
What is codependency? There are many definitions used today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions.
However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood and adolescence.
One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress, such as chemical dependency; chronic mental illness; chronic physical illness; physical abuse; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; divorce; hypercritical or non-loving environment.
As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships (work and friendships as well as s.o.'s) with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.
Recovery from Codependency is deep work based on shifting our relationship with ourselves. We may have to let go if the people in our lives are unwilling to work through their issues. "Firing" the people we were codependent with may be a part of that, but remember - codependency is about us, not them! Recovery from codependency involves learning to take responsibility for our own actions, feelings behavior, issues and lives.
We need to try to help each other to overcome it, to detect the signs in our actions, in our day-to-day life, and find ways out of it.
Letting go of the need to control people, places and events is difficult, but will ultimately set us free of our self-defeating patterns, shame and fear.